I sometimes think my Google search history would be more revealing about me than any biography.
And that’s not because it contains any secrets or dramatic evidence of a double life. Or clandestine searches. Or suspicious late-night activity.
But because it is a bewildering collection of questions that, when viewed together, will make anybody wonder whether several completely different people are sharing my brain.
Take this week, for example. At various points, I wanted to know:
- Is Jay killed in ‘The Night Agent’?
- Why is the stock market falling today?
- How many assets do you need to be called a millionaire?
- Who is the killer in ‘The Thursday Murder Club’?
- What is put-call ratio in the stock market?
- What are some home remedies for a sore throat?
- How do you make red lentil soup?
- How do you make a collage?
- What are the best mystery books on audiobook?
- Are psychology, philosophy and spirituality the same?
- Is there a book club near me?
- How do you make sourdough bread?
This list suggests that I am simultaneously investigating a murder, planning my financial future, nursing a sore throat, learning an art form, questioning the nature of existence, looking for friends, and preparing to open a small bakery. And all this in just one week!!
Murdering the Mystery
I was watching a web series. It was a mystery.I wanted to know if Jay was going to die.
Now, technically, the whole point of watching a mystery is to NOT know what happens till the end. But apparently my mind simply cannot bear the suspense. So I needed to know Jay’s fate and the killer’s identity way before the web series creator intended.
Why waste six episodes wondering when the internet can tell me in six seconds?
Rags to Riches
Look at my train of thought here 😊At some point, I wondered: “How many assets do you need to be called a millionaire?” This is a perfectly respectable question. I was merely trying to understand where I stand in the grand scheme of wealth. Naturally, this led me to the stock market. “What is put-call ratio?” And after mentally investing heavily in the stock market, I am now worried: “Why is the stock market falling today?”
So, in the space of a few searches, I had gone from being an aspirational millionaire to an investor losing money in the stock market. My Google history clearly demonstrates that I have financial ambitions. It does not, however, establish that I have financial wisdom.
Food for thought
This is where my financial and murder-investigation careers were temporarily put on hold. The sore throat came with the obvious Google search: “Sore throat home remedies.” The logical next step was food. “Red lentil soup recipe.” Reasonable. Comforting.
And then, for reasons known only to my brain: “Sourdough bread recipe.”
Why? Why did I suddenly need to learn how to make artisanal bread that requires a starter lovingly maintained like a household pet?
This is how my brain works. A minor ailment does not simply result in a home remedy. It can potentially result in a new lifestyle. Give me three days, and I could be growing my own wheat!!
Artistic aspirations
Then my artistic side woke up. Somewhere in all of this, I searched: “Collage making tutorial.”
Because apparently eating lentil soup and monitoring the stock market wasn’t enough. I needed to make art.
My interests don’t seem to arrive one at a time. They arrive in packs.
One moment I am reading something.
Then I see something interesting.
Then I want to learn how to make it.
Then I want to know whether there is a workshop for it.
Then I wonder if I could turn it into a small business!!
And then, naturally, I needed to understand life
I found myself asking: “Are psychology, philosophy and spirituality the same?”
I had just been trying to find a sourdough recipe. Five minutes later, I was contemplating the relationship between psychology, philosophy, and spirituality!!
I want to know what happens. I want to understand people. I want to know why we behave the way we do. I want to follow an idea down a rabbit hole and see where it goes. Unfortunately, I also want to know the answer immediately.
And then I searched for a book club
This one may be the most revealing search of all. “Book club near me.”
Because, I don’t just want books. I want people to talk about books with. There is something very satisfying about finding other people who have spent three hundred pages thinking about the same fictional person and are now willing to discuss whether she was justified in what she did.
What’s behind this madness?
So, what does my Google search history actually say about me?
That I am easily distracted? Possibly.
That I have too many interests? Definitely.
That I should probably stop Googling spoilers? No promises.
But when I look at the searches together, I see something else.
Someone who wants to read, learn, experiment and occasionally turn a perfectly innocent interest into a new hobby. Someone who is still wondering what she might become.
And perhaps that is not such a bad thing.
For years, we are encouraged to specialize. Pick a career. Develop an expertise. Find your niche. Know what you are good at.
And then, somewhere along the way, you realise that your mind doesn’t necessarily want a niche. It wants interesting things.
It wants a murder mystery on Monday, the stock market on Tuesday, psychology on Wednesday and sourdough on Thursday.
So perhaps my Google search history isn’t evidence that I can’t focus.
Perhaps it is simply a record of all the little lives my mind gets to live in a week.
Do read about my whacky brain episode in another post here
And if you like what you read – buy me a coffee