There are people who watch the news. And then there are people like us, the couch potatoes.
We don’t merely watch the news. We dissect it. We analyse it, question it, challenge it. And we occasionally shout at it.
And more importantly, if the situation demands it, we come up with a comprehensive solution to the problem at hand within seven minutes of hearing about it.
From the comfort of our sofa, my husband and I have successfully tackled wars, climate change, politics, economics, cricket, international relations, inflation, corruption, traffic, education, technology, and pretty much every other crisis currently troubling humanity. All while lounging on our sofa, wearing comfortable clothes.
Couch potatoes with opinions
Our evenings often begin coolly. We sit down in front of the television, with an innocent thought. “Let’s see what’s happening in the world.”
One channel is covering a political debate. We watch for approximately thirty seconds. “Huh, Idiots !!”
Switch channel, international news. “Ha, even bigger idiots.”
Next channel, climate change debate. ” Oh, please, does nobody understand the actual issue?”
This is where things really start going downhill. Three news channels have already irked us with their stupidity. Eventually, after hunting through half the news channels, we arrive at the startling conclusion that everyone is wrong. Everyone except us, obviously!!
Because somewhere between the third channel and the fourth cup of tea, we have single-handedly solved the problem. War? We have a solution. Climate change? Obviously, someone should listen to us. Politics? Don’t even get us started. Sports? We have watched enough matches to know exactly what the coach should have done. Economy? We have opinions. Foreign policy? We have strong opinions.
And if somebody from the government happened to walk into our living room at that precise moment and say, “Excuse me. We need your advice.” We would probably look at each other and say, “About time!”
One drawing room: Two experts
However, there is one complication. We don’t always agree. In fact, sometimes we disagree quite spectacularly. He has one opinion. I have another. Both of us are completely convinced that the other person has misunderstood the situation. Neither of us is willing to concede. The discussion becomes a debate. The debate becomes an argument. The argument becomes a bitter fight.
And suddenly, the international crisis we were discussing has become a domestic crisis. The people on television are still arguing. And now, we are arguing with them and with each other.
From world crisis to domestic diplomacy
And yet, there is something wonderfully ridiculous about it.
Because after all that outrage. After all the analysis. After deciding that every politician, commentator, sports expert, and television panellist needs to reconsider their life choices, eventually, the news moves on.
The next story starts. We slowly run out of things to argue about. Someone picks up the remote. The television goes quiet. And just like that, the world is no longer our problem. We sit there in silence for a moment. Then I look at my husband and ask:
“Do you want some tea?” 😀
And somehow, that is the beauty of life. We may disagree about politics, cricket, and how the country, or the whole world for that matter, should be run. But after twenty minutes of bitterly defending our opposite positions, there is still this tiny, ordinary question waiting at the end of it all: Tea?
Maybe that’s what being couch potatoes really means
In conclusion, perhaps being a couch potato isn’t always about being lazy. Sometimes it is about having a little corner of the world where you can be outrageously opinionated without consequences. Where you can solve problems you have absolutely no power to solve. Where you can yell at a television screen. Where you can passionately disagree with the person sitting next to you. Where you can fight about the future of humanity.
Most importantly, five minutes later, it allows you to come back to your domestic life without sparing a single thought for the world crisis.
Maybe that’s marriage. Maybe that’s companionship. Or maybe we’re just two couch potatoes who have watched far too much news. Either way, tomorrow evening we’ll probably sit down again with the thought, “What’s happening in the world?” And we will start hypothetical problem-solving again. Because surely, someday, somebody somewhere will finally realize that we are the duo to be consulted.
Do read about friendships and reconnections in another post here
And if you like what you read – buy me a coffee